There is no easy way to say this and I'm sure I'll create a conflict. This is a big deal, because I hate conflict. Here it goes: I hate hate hate the ongoing French/English debate that still exists in Montreal. Sometimes I'd rather speak Spanish. Actually it happens quite often.
Q - "English or French?"
A - "sólo hablo español"
Q - "Separatist or federalist?"
A - "sólo hablo español"
I've never actually tried this, though I think I should start. How can it be that in such a multicultural, civilized world, I feel GUILTY, yes guilty is the appropriate word, for speaking my two mother tongues? In a group of anglophones (as they're called here) I feel guilty speaking French, or even if, God forbid, the group begins a discussion about Quebec and Frenchies, I feel guilty for not being able to just sit there and accept their comments. I definitely cannot just 'go with the flow' for this one. The opposite is also true. In a group of francophones I feel guilty speaking English, but also for being able to relate to 'les maudits anglais'. This internal conflict has been raging within me for a long, long, long time. Actually for as long as I can remember. I honestly do not think there is an easy answer, and I do realize speaking Spanish and embracing a new culture is just a way to 'escape' the problem.
The only solution I have found, and continue to search, is to surround myself with open-minded people who accept me for ME, not for a language or the ideology and culture that accompany that language. I also sincerely hope that I can teach my students this value of open-mindedness, so that they never feel judged for the language that they speak.
PS - Just a little disclaimer - I realize I am writing this blog in English, the reason is twofold: 1 - I did most of my schooling in English, thus writing is easier for me in English and 2 - I can reach a larger audience in English (not by like becoming a popular blog, but I mean friends and family wise - those who speak French or Spanish usually also speak English, the opposite is not always true)
Il faut te faire les bons amis et il faut que tu te respectes toi-même avec tes choix, c'est tout!
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed reading your blog. This is an interesting post. I was in Montreal about this time last year and had a wonderful visit. I think it is a beautiful city. I did not detect tension between the English and French speaking camps, though the reason may be twofold 1. I was an outsider, and dirty laundry is rarely aired for outsiders, 2. I was only there for several days. But the problem you identify certainly stretches beyond the boundaries of French/English Montreal. It seems to me that simple minded people are often caught up in these silly cultural "fiefdom" issues. You are right, you can avoid this issue only by surrounding yourself with more sophisticated minds. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteRMB
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