Choosing my religion

I've started going to church again. And after stating that, I always feel I have to defend myself. If I said, "oh I'm going for a run" or "I'm heading to the gym" that would be OK and accepted by society. But church? Why would I do that?

I've mentioned this in previous posts and I'll repeat it again. I strongly believe that humans have to evolve in three spheres (perhaps there are more I haven't noticed yet) in order to feel content, or at least I do. These are the intellectual, physical and spiritual sides of self. I think that our society is obsessed with the first. You have to be smart, study a ton, and work a ton in order to be successful, right? Oh and then comes in the second part - if you don't look 'just right' you won't get as far in life, so you better be active. I feel that the spiritual side often gets ignored.

I've had a strong sense of faith since I was very young and I know that a lot of this is inherited from what my parents taught me and the fact that I grew up going to church on Sundays and to Catholic school. I think my sense of faith has stuck with me though, a faith that I describe as knowing that there is a benevolent force out there, knowing that we all fit together somehow, that we have a purpose and are not just here haphazardly. This sense of faith is a great feeling that is with me pretty constantly, but nurturing that spiritual side of myself has been a new 'need' of sorts. I like to take time to think, pray, meditate, and just 'be'. It helps make me feel centred. But, with a job, friends, husband, life, errands, that time - not just 'alone time' but spiritual time always seems to be the first thing scratched off the 'to-do' list.

I'm still not convinced that I believe in organized religion, so maybe I'm taking the easy way out here. But Catholic church is what I know. I like the tradition of it, I like knowing what to expect, I like gaining a better understanding of Bible stories. Maybe I should really look around and find something that feels just right for me, because I have to admit, I still sometimes feel like a fraud in church. Like maybe I'm not quite supposed to be there because I'm still taking out the bits that I like and not accepting the whole thing. But shopping around for a religion also feels wrong. I like the idea of Ramadan, and I have yet to try the Unitarian church Dawn mentioned a while back. But for now I know that going to church once a week makes me feel good, helps me grow and is making me more aware of who I am and what I believe in. I guess there is no short answer when someone asks "Why do you go to church?"